There's nowhere far enough away from here...

Tonight is good. Tonight is the return of Prison Break. I am very happy at the prospect!

I've watched a couple of films over the weekend.

Saturday I went to see White Noise 2 - The Light for the very shallow reason that Nathan 'Firefly' Fillion is in it and I love him. White Noise 1 was rubbish and I would not have bothered to see this if NF was not in it. It was pretty bad.

Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica was in WN2 as well. BG is my current box set that I am working through, am into series 2 episode 5. I missed it on Sky, so am catching up to then get on with series 3.

Second film was 'The Assanination of Richard Nixon' which I watched as it was lent to me by Tom and I want to show willing. The film did not appeal to me at all but I must admit to really enjoying it - the presence of Sean Penn probably clinched it, he really is a great actor. You really believe he is the character.

I will NOT being going to see Rocky Balboa - as if that plot is realistic!

Well, it really is a mess. I think it might have to be the sperm bank for me at this rate. It would be preferable, not having to share my life with someone who thinks that ornamental Laurel and Hardy figurines are nice (Sean's house was full of them!), or with someone who has a bigger computer desk than sofa (Tom).

Not that man is just sperm - don't want to give wrong impression! I honestly don't just want a baby, I want to be in love and not have to shoulder everything on my own.

Anyway, spent all day with Sean yesterday in his freezing cold house, surrounded by the aforementioned figurines, but no attempt was made at my virtue! Yet still he wants to go out again, so he must like me. It might be my vibes, what with me being semi in love with Tom and all that. If Sean just kissed me then I it might all happen...

I can't make the first move, am following Regency Rules of dating.

How did I get to the age I am being so useless when it comes to the opposite sex?

Probably because I have suffered from lack of confidence for pretty much the whole of my life in that department, stemming from being overweight and picked on at school which just transferred to the love life and kind of stuck. Have long enjoyed bags of confidence in other areas of my life.

Thus my dilemma last night. Went to cinema with Sean. This must be our 5/6th date. He still has not kissed me! Does this mean he doesn't like me? He wants to see me again... Should I kiss him? I don't know if I can!

On the other hand, am kind of glad it's not moving at all fast as I cannot clear Tom out of my head. Of course he is not going to clear out while we are being 'friends' - so should I knock it on the head and not be friends and not have him in my life, as despite the friends thing I find myself liking him more every time I see him.

I also like Sean more each time - but the two of them are such polar opposites... Oh heck!

Is it sad to go to bed this early? The wind kep me awake last night and now it seems calm outside, time to hit the sack I feel...

Am secretly chuffed though, I was playing it cool with Tom, not emailing him first - lo and behold he has mailed me. Admittedly no declaration of affection, but the fact that he has mailed me says a lot. Still, am not going to reply tonight...

Am out with Sean tomorrow night anyway. Let's see where this goes - both of them that is...

Do you think this is because I am of the Bridget Jones generation all of a sudden? Tick tick tick.

Can it be true?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6244153.stm

I went salsa dancing last night with some friends. I was quite a reluctant participant it has to be said - I've heard these salsa things can be some kind of pulling event rather than the dancing being the prime motive.

Ten minutes in to my beginners class I was HATING it and was plotting my escape thinking maybe I could hide out in the loo until the end of the class. Luckily I miraculously started to remember the steps, and after that I really rather enjoyed it.

You have to dance with loads of different people, and some of the men were clearly there hoping to hook up with the laydees, but that didn't detract from the dancing. The worst thing about it is that you have to hold the hand and shoulder of your dancing partner, and one of the men had horrible cold and clammy hands. I felt the immediate need to go and wash after dancing with him - vile!

I have no rhythm whatsoever though. I would go as far as saying I am rather stiff when it comes to dancing. Good exercise, quite good fun and I have learnt a new skill - well a few steps of one anyway.

Keep busy keep busy, stops me from obsessing over other things...

One of my colleagues has joined a dating website, which prompted a discussion of the pros and cons of the internet dating thing. Naturally this led to recaps over my recent efforts to meet someone and the dates I have been on.

Beginning in August...

Bloke 1 - Chris - fishing bore, broadest yam-yam on the planet, drank and drove - mutual lack of contact after two dates.

Bloke 2 - David - wore braces, talked about ex-wife too much, lived with parents at 38 - mutual lack of contact after one date.

Bloke 3 - Rick - interesting on paper but in person had a charisma by-pass, took me to old man pub - kept calling me but had to Dear John after 1 date.

Bloke 4 - John - got on well on email but in person had absolutely nothing to say - though did go on second date to account for nerves, left me to get train home late in dark even though he had to drive past station I was parked at - didn't bother to Dear John just ignored (v rude but the thought of even DJing him bored me!)

Bloke 5 - Nick - asked me on a date after only a couple of emails and decided to get it over with as spent much time emailing previous lot only to be disappointed, bad move - this was the worst of the lot, was like getting blood out of stone, 38 years old but lived with mother and sister and had never moved out, never went anywhere, had no hobbies and worse still no musical taste at all as in did not like music - I went home at half 9 saying was tired - no surprise never heard off him again! Oh, and he insulted me by saying he never emailed the attractive women on the dating website as they wouldn't email him back!!! Charmed. I know I'm no oil painting but am not awful either, just normal. How rude.

Bloke 6 - Sean - still seeing him.

Bloke 7 - Tom - still seeing him.

It's a minefield it really is!

Busy weekend. Well the day times anyway.

Sean blew me out again - he's up to his neck having his kitchen refitted or some such DIY related task. We are on for Wednesday anyway and he has called me a few times over the weekend. I find my fondness for him is growing.

Tom on the other hand - let's see - we went for a long long walk together yesterday followed by a cuppa back at his. I love his company - I find him absolutely fascinating, so geeky - I love that! He did go off on a long waffle about how blokes are not very in touch with their feelings and don't know what they want until it is on top of them, but I took that loosely as he is not the kind of man who would be saying that as some kind of code to tell me something. Will keep on in there, see what happens.

I really don't like this confusion though, having feelings for two people. I have had a love life drought for about 4 years and now I have more men than I know what to do with!

Other than all this, which is not my whole life by any means, I also went for another walk round the Wyre Forest on Saturday, in the rained, armed with camera, with my friend Amanda. I actually love walking in the rain, hardly anyone around when it is raining... This is what I hate about heading off out into the countryside for a walk in nice weather, the fact that everyone else does the same. People everywhere! Ruining my landscape pictures and being noisy. Too many people.

I don't like people much. Does this make me grumpy old woman?

Oh dear, following my return to being a one man woman this morning I am back to being a two man one as Sean has been in touch saying he still wants to see me - so square one here we come again!